Watching Santé’s alumni program grow has been such a great experience, as I imagine it would be for most treatment centers. As much as I’d like to take all of the credit, I can’t. I have found that the self-started and self-sustaining alumni groups that our alumni have started around the country, primarily on Facebook, have really set a standard and been a way for alumni to constantly stay involved with their peers. When I say self-started and self-sustaining I mean that a few dedicated alumni started a group on their own accord which officially has no Santé involvement, although I encourage every patient to become involved in these groups when they leave and will provide them the contact information to do so. Since alumni are encouraged to join these groups after they discharge, the groups are comprised of folks who were in treatment several years ago up to last week. One of my favorite parts has been watching alumni who speak almost daily (online, by phone, etc.) come back to the Annual Retreat and meet face to face for the first time. I have been lucky enough to be able to host at least one large event each year on the Santé campus where those alumni who talk quite often, sometimes daily, can come visit each other, Santé staff members who helped them heal, and the grounds where many of them buried burdens of their past. I say lucky, because although I cannot put the alumni up or help with any travel costs they may have, I offer a weekend refresher and retreat at essentially no charge ($100, which covers the cost of meals, which we provide). During this weekend, alumni come back to attend lectures, 12-step meetings with the current patient community, participate on our ropes course, music therapy, psychodrama along with other experiential therapies that they experienced as a resident of the Hill in Argyle, TX.

My primary focus is to ensure that our alumni understand the benefit of staying connected post treatment. In my experience the self-sustaining groups that our alumni have formed function as more than a 12-step support group, but an extension of Santé. Alumni from various backgrounds, geographic areas, socio economic standing and most importantly those recovering from all types of addictions make up these groups; no two are the same. I hear time and time again that the power is in the group, and that is what they are continuing on their own once they leave treatment. Each of the members in these self-sustaining groups had an experience at Santé; no matter how different, they are all Santé alumni.

Even if a patient decides to leave us earlier than may be ideal, most are able to recognize the uniqueness of the bonds that they have formed while in a residential treatment setting. More often than not they have shared secrets that they have never said out loud, and while expecting rejection and judgment, their peers embrace and love them for their authenticity. For some this is the first time they feel that they are not alone. For others it is the first time they feel worthy of love and compassion. Whatever their story may be, Santé remains a common denominator.

For me, a successful alumni program has come from finding a balance between these self-sustaining alumni groups and our center driven efforts. I have found that one is most successful alongside the other. The self-sustaining groups provide a peer centered outlet for alumni to connect with others, while encouraging them to remain involved with my center driven efforts. I am immensely grateful to our dedicated alumni who make this all possible.

I have been working at Santé for two and a half years now, and I am unable to count the number of times I’ve heard the phrase, ‘Addiction is a disease.’ I have heard, ‘addiction is genetic,’ and ‘we are all products of our environment,’ over and over again as well. Naturally, being a curious person, I’ve always wondered how exactly those two phrases can fit together when they seem so contradictory. The best that it has ever been explained to me is that some people may have the ‘addict gene’ and if something happens to turn that gene on, that person may develop an active addiction. After attending and reading my text book for my developmental psychology class last week, I am starting to be able to connect the dots.

A section that was entitled, ‘The Interaction of Genes and Environment’ turned on a few light bulbs in my head, and explained to me in further detail how genes can in fact be turned from silent to active. Most of us know that Santé is known for treating not just substance abuse and chemical addiction, but all kinds of addictions (sex, gambling, eating disorders, etc.); more specifically those with a dual-diagnosis or who are referred to as complex patients. What I mean by complex patient is someone with a severely traumatic past, co-occurring disorder such as multiple addictions or those who have a history of chronic relapses. After reading this section of the chapter it would be easy for me to believe that most, though not all of the clients that come through our facility have experienced a significant event that may have triggered a gene linked to addiction.

When I discuss my work with people outside of the mental health field I encounter one question frequently: ‘Wouldn’t you think that people who grow up in an abusive environment strive to be the opposite based on their experience?’ This of course applies to children who grow up with addicts as parents and the like. My answer is usually, ‘Well, yes you would think that wouldn’t you, but the human brain is not always completely logical.’ Obviously, this is not to say that this is the case for every single addict in the world, but I think it makes a lot of sense. Someone who grows up with an alcoholic father may have been witness to both excessive alcohol abuse as well as emotional or physical abuse from their father to any member of their family, including themselves. This person would seem to be damned by both nature and nurture; assuming they were passed that specific addict gene.

Wouldn’t we all be interested in learning how to detect these genes? I am also curious about whether or not a gene can be turned off or shut down the same way that it can be turned on. For example, if some kind of addiction gene is triggered in early childhood due to some kind of trauma, could the negative, active effects of that gene be reversed if the trauma is properly resolved? Perhaps even before an addiction becomes active? When we stop and think about it though, trauma resolution is a huge part of what the Santé clinicians do with their clients.

Needless to say, as science progresses so will research involving how genes and our environment interact in order to produce the behaviors and traits that we as humans express. I look forward to learning more about it as new research develops, and as I get further along in my studies.

-Erica

Well, it happened. We’ve officially made it into 2012. And I’ll be honest; it snuck up on me and truly felt as if it came out of nowhere! It turns out that yes; in fact January does ALWAYS come after December. J In all seriousness, as 2012 approached and then happened I found myself feeling a little discouraged. It took me a little while to really identify the feeling and then try to figure out why I was feeling that way.

Maybe it’s just me, but I have a hunch some of you may have similar experiences. All of the hype regarding a new year is designed to make us feel like we have a clean slate, a chance to do everything we didn’t last year. For me instead of offering a chance, it served as a reminder of all the things I didn’t do, for whatever reason. I’m reminded of the goals I have yet to meet, the people I meant to see or call but didn’t, anyone or thing that I’ve lost, etc. It is in moments like these that I remember, it is easier to be miserable than it is to be happy, but I am the only one who can control the way I feel. If I throw a pity party for myself, you better bet your ass I’m going to wallow in it all day. It will not be until the moment that I decide that I will not feel sorry for myself that I won’t.

It isn’t always easy to pull yourself out of these feelings, but I’m pretty sure most of us have the tools to do so. When I was 19 I joined an organization in college that provided me with a creed of sorts to live by. To this day, I can read that small paragraph of words and feel uplifted. In this instance, one particular line struck a chord.

‘To work earnestly, to speak kindly, to act sincerely, to choose thoughtfully that course which occasion and conscience demand; to be womanly always, and DISCOURAGED NEVER…’

Instead of feeling discouraged come next January, I want to look back at 2012 and be proud of all the things I did do, whether I met all my goals or not. I want to feel confident and excited about my life and the things to come instead of being preoccupied with the past and things that I cannot change. For me, much of this will come in practicing surrender and serenity. As I release my need for control I have a feeling life will begin to unfold right in front of my eyes. What will it be for you?

With that I affirm that…  As this adventure of life unfolds, I will not shy away from it!

- Erica

This past weekend was a somber one, not just for me, but for the entire world over. The ten year anniversary of September 11^th, 2001, a day the world will never forget. The day that altered America’s history forever. The ONE day that changed everything. I spent some time thinking about where I was when I first heard, the moment I realized what that meant and how the rest of my day ensued; as I assume many of you did. Then, I spent some time thinking about how selfish that was. Where was I? What did I do? What was MY reaction? When in reality, nothing we did, or will do can ever change anything that happened that tragic day in September. My thoughts began to shift towards those who were directly affected. While it may be true that we were all directly affected given the wars that have followed 9/11, I mean those that were directly affected by the events of that ONE day. The lives that were lost, sacrificed. The lives of those changed forever because of whom or what they lost. The children left without parents. The spouses left without partners. The firefighters and police force that went into what they thought was just another day on the job… little did they know. Little did any of us know. As I sit here trying to put my thoughts into words I’ve realized that while initially my feelings, thoughts, and my memories may seem selfish, or invoke guilt, they also bind us all. I will never forget that day. Despite my short term, and at times selective memory, that day will never leave me. I was in high school. I heard it on a morning radio show, went to the stairs to tell my dad. His facial expression and rush to the television said all that I needed to know. As he turned on the TV, we watched together as the second plane hit during a live stream. As cliché or over used as ‘We Will Never Forget,’ may be; everything is still crystal clear.

I avoided the television programming about 9/11 on Sunday, the actual 10 year anniversary, with the exception of the small memorial that was offered before the Cowboys v. Jets game that evening. I spent the day reflecting on my own thoughts and feelings. It was not until Monday morning, while I got ready for work that I saw anything on TV. Good Morning America showed a clip of a young boy, a son, who lost a father that he never even got to meet because as he said he, “was still in my mother’s belly.” Tears flooded my eyes and I began to cry for the boy, of no more than 10 years old who will never know his father. Unfortunately, he will always know what happened to his dad, and who is responsible. We will all always know. Events like this are almost impossible to frame in a positive light because of all the unwarranted violence and innocent lives lost. If we gain nothing but the memory of tragedy, then it is tragedy that shall inspire us.  Inspire us to live a life we love, a life that matters. All the while knowing that what tomorrow brings is unknown and unimportant. What matters is today, the now, the present. To those of you reading this who were affected by September 11^th, 2001, you are not alone, and we will never forget.

“Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could; some blunders and absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

- Erica

Santé broke ground in July 2011, and with that the long awaited expansion process finally began to become a reality. As our beautiful campus slowly loses trees, and gains construction workers and debris, it is still hard to be anything but hopeful and excited for our future here in Argyle, TX. The new additions are going to add so much to our campus! It is going to be truly beautiful. The first day was probably the hardest, yet somehow, in true Santé fashion, we made the best of the situation. Staff watched as the crew cut down all of the trees in and around the lower parking lot and IOP building. Later that afternoon, one of our neighbors drove over in his big, bobcat, tree-carrier contraption. He took all of the trees back to his home where he chopped them up and donated the wood to a different families who are in need; they will use it to heat their homes in the colder months (though, right now it seems those may never come). Those that attend the Alumni Retreat this year in October will get to witness the growth and expansion of Santé as we will be knee-deep in the project. They will also get to see the building plans to get an idea of what the finished project will look like! Although the process may cause some slight inconveniences to our community and staff, it is easy to see the good that will come. As we all know, most good things do not come easy.

-Erica

Ron Arrington, MS, LCDC – Clinical Director

I was given the opportunity to join the Santé family in 2004 to expand services by creating outpatient programs through our newly created Community Based Services. I had known Deb and Rip Corley for several years and referred regularly to Santé Center. What I did not fully appreciate at that time was the intimacy of a relatively small, family owned treatment center and the opportunities created for staff and patients alike. To have a treatment philosophy centered on patient care rather than managed care or investor driven profits is an increasingly rare blessing in our field today. I will never forget the first time we had a patient whose insurance quit paying, our CEO asked me if the patient was clinically appropriate to step to a lower level of care and if not how much time he needed. His emphasis was not on the patient funding treatment at that moment, but was he stable and clinically ready to change levels of care. This is very much in line with what we ask of our patients, “what is the next right thing to do”. This is the heart of Santé Center for healing. 

Rick Gordon, LCSW, CSAT-Candidate - Director Outpatient Services

My journey to Sante started 20 plus years ago when I “made a decision” to turn my will and life over to my Higher Power as it suggests in the Third Step. It became clear that I was being lead from the business profession into the helping profession. This was one of the first times that I had to “live” Step 3 and begin trusting my Higher Power. I went back to school, got my Masters Degree and started working as a therapist in a program that treated sex addiction in a city outside of Philadelphia, which is how I got to know about Sante. About six years ago Sante contacted me about a position in their new Intensive Outpatient Program. They were looking for a therapist who had experience in sex addiction, chemical dependency and family therapy. It seemed like a perfect fit. However, I had never lived outside of Delaware and coming to Texas was a little, well maybe a lot, scary. Again, it was matter of putting my faith in my Higher Power and strapping myself in for a big change. What made it easier was that I felt supported by the staff here and impressed by Sante’s commitment to patient care. The staff was and is trained at a level that provides patient care that is truly cutting edge. I am proud to be part of a team of highly dedicated professionals and I get the privilege of having patients share their lives with me. That really is “as good as it gets.”

Bridget Jaecks, MS, LPC, LCDC, CSAT-Candidate – Case Manager

There is a reason this facility is called Sante Center for Healing.   It truly is a place where healing happens.  I am so grateful to be working in a place where my passion is lived out everyday.  I have worked in other facilities and work settings, but none have topped my experience here.  It is my life’s work to be a therapist working with addictions.  I learned once that in order for me to keep something, I must give it away.  Sante provides me that everyday that I am here.  And everyday recovery, peace, gratitude and real “healing” come back to me tenfold.

Erica Sheley – Aftercare & Alumni Coordinator 

This summer will mark the end of my second year at Santé. Time flies. I remember being something close to terrified before my first Alumni Retreat as I had only been here a brief two months. I kept thinking to myself, ‘How am I going to pull this off?’ Of course, everything worked out just fine (most of the planning had been done before I started), so for the most part, I just sat back and observed. Not only did I observe, I absorbed. I began to understand a little bit more about this new place I was now working, the spirit it holds, what it means to so many and the legacy that the alumni carry. As an adult child of an alcoholic, recovery is something I believe in simply because I’ve seen it work miracles. My father got sober when I was 16 years old, and I watched him change in front of me. He was never a bad man, I knew that, and while he never seemed especially unhappy, I believe that he had never truly been at peace either. If you knew him then and you saw him now, you wouldn’t be able to recognize the man in front of you; it was quite awhile before I did, and I’m still getting to know him. My point is that I appreciate everything I learn from Santé, but more importantly, from our alumni. They make believers out of those who don’t, starting with themselves. Now, I believe in recovery because I see it continue work time and time again.

Ironically enough, living in fear is one of my biggest fears. As I type that I realize that it may not make much sense, but it’s true. My biggest fear is that I grow old and realize I haven’t accomplished the things that I want to in life; have a successful career that I love, feel like I’m making a difference, have a family, travel, write. Then I realize that the only reason I wouldn’t accomplish my life’s goals is fear. Although my slightly neurotic tendencies and pride may lead me to be anxious, nervous, embarrassed, worried or shy when I shouldn’t be, the reality is that there is nothing to be afraid of… except fear itself.

Fear may feel a little different for everyone. I would imagine that for many addicts, fear is related to shame in some degrees. The fear of losing everything. The fear of those closest to you finding out your biggest secrets. The fear of losing the thing that you think you want or need the most. In fact, the fear may not completely set in until you’ve begun the work towards Recovery. Fear is a powerful emotion; it can be crippling and overwhelming. The trick to overcoming fear is the realization that, just like any other feeling, you are the only one that can control what and how you experience it.

I guess, when you think about it, if fear is the only thing to be afraid of, it could potentially serve as motivation to ensure that I’m not living within its walls. I refuse to live in fear because in fear I cannot live up to my true potential.

- Erica

“Things do not change; we change.”

-Henry David Thoreau

Take a look at Merriam-Webster’s definition of change:

Change: verb \’chānj\

a : to make different in some particular : alter

b : to make radically different : transform

c : to give a different position, course, or direction to

Do these sound familiar? I really like these definitions, and I think they apply to recovery; to alter one’s self, to make a radical transformation and to change your course with a new direction. For some reason, change can be a hard concept to accept. American society typically expects things or other people to change based on their own needs. If you put some thought into that, you’ll start to realize that it does not make much sense at all. Why should we expect others to change based on our needs and wants? Taking ownership for the way you feel can be hard because sometimes you may not want to feel that way or you may not understand why you do, but there you are. Most of the time, it is much easier to blame something or someone else for the way we feel rather than try to understand why we’re feeling that way.

In reality, nobody can control the way we feel except ourselves. It’s just a matter of changing the way we interpret and internalize other’s words and actions. Personally, one of the feelings that I hold others responsible for the most is guilt. I have a tendency to experience intense feelings of guilt when something is going wrong for someone else; usually I want to help fix it, but I am helpless. I had a dinner date with my father not too long ago, and we were having a conversation about this exact thing. I felt responsible for someone else’s feelings and that responsibility had evoked overwhelming feelings of guilt in me. I was helpless in making this person feel any better, in fact all I was doing was making it worse for the both of us and it was weighing heavy on me. My father reiterated what I already knew; I cannot control how someone else feels just as they cannot control the way I feel. He also said that was one of the best lessons he had gained from AA; let go, relinquish the need for control, surrender.

The point here is that anyone in recovery or involved in the mental health field, has to believe in change. Otherwise, what is the point? However, in order to change we must be intrinsically motivated, by ourselves and ourselves alone. No one can change us, except us. You have to want it, and you have to work for it. Very rarely does change come easy. One of my favorite quotes comes from the rock band, Led Zeppelin, “Yes there are two paths you can go by, but in the long run there’s still time to change the road you’re on.” Although the band is not the best example to follow for sobriety, these words still resonate strongly. When bad days come, you have to believe that things can change; the only thing standing in your way is yourself.

- Erica

Earlier this week, I was talking to one of our therapists at lunch in the fabulous Santé dining room. During our conversation, he mentioned that Finding Nemo was one of the best process movies for addiction that he’s ever seen. My eyes lit up and my ears perked; I got really excited. Finding Nemo is one of my all time favs! How can you not just LOVE IT? In fact, ‘Just keep swimming,’ is one of my go-to affirmations; it is always applicable!

For those who haven’t been involved in a therapeutic community or process, Finding Nemo is probably just a sweet, uplifting, children’s movie about a father’s unwavering love and need to save his only son. While that remains true, the perspective lens changes a bit when you ask a clinician. Themes of family dysfunction, crippling fear, failure and captivity, just to name a few, swim through the entire hour and a half long film. I’d like to focus on a few themes in particular; family dynamics, support and relationships and aspects of treatment seen throughout, including the overall message.

For those in recovery, ‘It’s a family disease,’ is probably (and hopefully) something you and your families have heard time and time again. When addiction becomes active, the addict is never the only one affected. That just isn’t how it works, but sometimes that isn’t easy to accept. Marlin, Nemo’s father, became a recluse after it was implied that his wife and all but one of their 400 un-hatched eggs were killed. Can you say TRAUMA? After this incident at the beginning of the movie, Marlin began to live and raise his only son in fear. To add to his fears (both rational and not) his son, Nemo, was disabled with a small, ‘lucky’ fin. Marlin lost all feeling of safety and with it his happiness, sense of humor (despite being a clown fish) and basically his grasp on reality. All of which was being transferred to his child.

One of my favorite aspects of this movie is the way Dory picked Marlin up time and time again, without even knowing what she was doing. The need for support and relationships is demonstrated flawlessly. With the unforgettable line, ‘Ya know what ya gotta do when life gets ya down? Just keep swimming!’ Dory taught more than one generation that life is not always easy, but it goes on. Dory is forgiving (albeit forgetful), loyal and impossibly good intentioned. Supportive and healthy relationships are a CRUCIAL component to recovery; hence the name support groups (i.e. 12-step meetings)!

The way I see it, there are two different ways to relate this film to the treatment experience; through the eyes of Marlin or Nemo. Let’s look at both a bit. I think that Nemo’s journey could be a symbol of experiencing treatment; he experienced feelings of captivity, abandonment and fear, but eventually he was lifted up by a strong support system that surrounded him. Although, we shouldn’t get any ideas about escaping! :) Marlin, on the other hand could be viewed as a symbol of life post-treatment… life on life’s terms. The obstacles he faced were necessary in order for him to regain control of his life; ironically by relinquishing the need to control every single aspect, which is impossible. His first encounter was the introduction to the most crucial component of his success, Dory, a friend willing to face the obstacles by his side. Dory could be symbolic of a spouse or life partner, a friend or maybe a sponsor or even a child.

The first obstacle Marlin and Dory faced is an interesting one in a discussion about addiction, three fish-friendly sharks. A Great White insisted that Marlin and Dory join him at a ‘little get together’ he was having. Would you believe that it was a 12-step meeting?  It was; for a fish eating addiction! For me, the most interesting aspect of this meeting was the millisecond it took Bruce (the Great White) to be taken over by his addict. After Dory was accidentally hit in the face her nose started to bleed, and once Bruce got a whiff of her blood, all bets were off. Bruce’s addict was in full force, and seeking satisfaction. This is so important for people to understand. Things are not always exactly easy while in treatment, but it gets harder at home. While in treatment, you’re sheltered from almost all outside influences while being supervised nearly 24/7; it is safe. The world is not a perfect place, and triggers can be anything and everywhere. That is why part of treatment focuses on relapse prevention and an after-care plan. In the film Bruce changed. He was taken over in less than a second, and it is like there were two, completely different characters; much like an addict. Luckily, Marlin and Dory managed to escape before they became casualties.

For the sake of length, I’d like to discuss just one last obstacle Marlin and Dory encountered on their journey. After their ride through the Eastern Australian Current, spirits were high, but a fog descended. Marlin and Dory got caught in the middle of a cloud that they couldn’t find their way out of. I like to call this the post-treatment fog of reality. The only way out for the two small fish was to ask a whale for directions. Although Marlin didn’t want to, due to his fear, Dory insisted and in a hilarious, whale language she asked the whale for directions. Even though the help they received was not directions, and was actually a bit more than they were looking for, they got to where they were going because of it. RECOVERY RULE: if you feel lost, ASK FOR HELP! Reach out to your support community, family, therapist or if you come from Santé, call me!

I wish I could write more, but I’ll leave that up to you! Let me hear your thoughts!

- Erica

Sit on it for a second… really think about what freedom means to you. To most, freedom is something that our ancestors fought for from Britain. Then, we fought for it again, but this time against each other during the Civil War. And then again, we fought through the Civil Rights Movement with help from the great Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Still today, we’re battling for human rights for the LGBT community. It seems as though the fight for freedom has become less violent; it isn’t something that always ends in bloodshed, but that does not make it pretty.

After working in a treatment environment for a while, my definition of freedom has changed a bit. For those battling addiction, or another mental health disorder for that matter, the fight for freedom is a daily, life-long struggle; and your biggest enemy is yourself. You begin to fight for freedom from addiction. There is no finger to point, no blame to be placed. While it may get easier over a long period of time, don’t let that fool you; it may also get harder. When you think about this battle as a fight for freedom that raises the question, ‘What are you willing to do to keep yours?’ As a country, we built an extraordinary military infrastructure equipped to take over the planet, should anyone threaten our freedom. Why is it then, we are sometimes not willing to fight for ourselves, and our personal and individual freedoms?

Perhaps it is because the fight is against ourselves or perhaps because we are the only ones who can fight (and win) that fight; everybody’s reasons are different. But I think it is an important question to ask. I was watching TV the other evening, and a cop who was talking about gang activity said, ‘Never before in my life have I seen such little respect for the human life.’ Obviously, he was referring to a completely different subject matter, but for some reason, that struck a chord and stuck with me. The fact is, if you don’t have respect for your own life, who will? It starts with you! I hope that everyone is enjoying every single second of their freedom, new- found or not. I know I am!

- Erica